Wow…For the first time in a long time I've had multiple (two or three) "real" AIM convos in within a week. It was actually weird at first because when the window popped up my mind sort of froze. You know that awkward feeling when someone says "hey" and you say "hey" back, but you have nothing significant worth discussing, so the convo sort of fizzles? I fear that, which is partially why I don't talk much online (along with my fluctuating online hours). It had been so long I almost forgot how to not end up with a "fizzled" convo. For me, AIM is to be there for someone who is in need, not for me to spontaneously ask people "wssup" and chit-chat for only 3 minutes because the other person didn't feel like talking.

Okay, onto other matters…as you guys may or may not know, I'm the violin guy in the Jazz combo, and we've had several courtyard performances. Something I find oddly funny is that every time a couple or a trio of people from my lunch group wander off together and I can see them meander in my direction, but they probably don't realize that I'm the guy jazzin' it up on the strings. So they're chatting, oblivious to who's playing the music, and I'm sitting, playing, and staring at them talk, just wondering what was so important that they left the group. Funny…

I'm sort of leap frogging in my topics here. The issue of friendship seems to have arisen yet again. Oh wait, before I go on, I want to confess that I totally suck at translating my thoughts into words. It's so clear in my head, but once I type them into words, the thing I'm trying to convey always ends up .. not right and offensive. And I mean always. I spend a lot of time thinking how I should phrase everything so I could be more tactful and not offend anyone. I've been burned enough times to know that I have to be gentle and thoughtful in my words. Okay, back to friends. What to do with friends you've lost touch with? Much previously, I had a super selfless mentality of it, like keep giving without regard to whether they will give back . Well, my thoughts have been modified slightly. Still be selfless, caring, and sacrificial as a good friend would (even when the favor isn't returned), but don't push yourself to the limit that your mind rips apart, and you're overcome by it. I'm not saying to totally deny everyone who comes your way, but you have to know your own limits of how much sacrifice you can make for others before your own life is severely affected.

For example, I just can't answer "no" to anyone. If anyone anytime needs help, I would most likely drop everything without thinking just to help out the person. But sometimes the help someone needs is too much for me to provide, but since I don't want to hurt the person's feelings and be selfish I often say "yes" and dig myself into a hole too deep for me to get out, thus screwing up my own plans (for ex, prom dates - it was really hard for me to say no to someone). You have to know your limits. Sometimes you just have to say "I'm sorry, I can't", and in the same way, some friends you'll eventually have to let go. That's what I mean by selfless. Make the appropriate sacrifices. (of course, what's "appropriate" is on a case by case basis)

La dee da…I dislike it when I sound all preachy. Because once it sounds preachy, it is inherent there is a "holier than thou" pride, and that's something I try to avoid at all costs. I am nowhere near the man I want to be, but my main goal of this blog is to make it glorifying to God alone, and definitely not boost myself. I will try to boast in my weaknesses alone, and not exalt myself.

Speaking of God's glory, Johnny is totally on the mark. His strive for purity is so... refreshing. Mad props to him. A male adolescent desiring not to be lustful is like a fat kid trying not to be out playing dodgeball. I like Johnny's approach to dancing

One last thing: I’m due for an eye checkup. Should I get better glasses, or get some contacts? Give me your thoughts, all *counts on one hand* 5 of you.

P.S. Steph, sorry about the it thing. Wish I could have helped.
posted by Justin at 11:57 PM